


What You Couldn't Say

by angstytimelord



Category: Actor RPF, Hannibal (TV) RPF
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstytimelord/pseuds/angstytimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hugh has always loved Mads, but he's never been able to say those three little words aloud.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Couldn't Say

The show was over. The last episode had been filmed.

Hugh looked around the darkened studio, sighing heavily. All this time -- nearly three years now since they had first started filming -- and he'd still never said the words.

He should have said them ten years ago, when he and Mads had first met. He should have let the other man know how he felt, putting his emotions out in the open.

But he had waited, and now, yet again, it was too late. They would be going their separate ways, working on different projects. They would no longer see each other every day on the set, no longer work together, no longer be secure in the knowledge that the other person would be there tomorrow.

He just hadn't been able to bring those words to the surface. Why, he didn't know, especially when he felt them more strongly than ever now.

He wasn't a person who had difficulty expressing his emotions. But with this particular man, it was the hardest thing in the world for him to say three little words.

 _I love you._ That was all he had to say.

Yet, if he _did_ manage to say those words, would Mads understand them in the way that he meant them? Or would he take them the wrong way?

Would Mads think that Hugh loved him just as a friend? That was one way of looking at those words -- but it would the _wrong_ way. That wasn't what he meant.

He loved Mads. He'd been in love with the man for years; he just hadn't had the courage to come out and say it. And now that the show had ended and they no longer worked together, he'd lost the last chance he'd have to say those words and have them understood -- and possibly even returned.

He was forty years old. He'd waited too long.

By the time they were able to work together again, Mads would have found someone else, and he would be happy. He would never know how Hugh felt.

Of course, Mads knew that he was loved as a friend. Hugh didn't doubt that at all. They had laughed and talked with each other, known that they would always be there for each other as friends. But his attraction to Mads had grown far beyond any mere friendship.

He had let himself fall in love. Oh, he shouldn't have, but he'd been unable to stop those feelings. They had grown so quickly, and he hadn't tried to hold them back.

That was his own fault. He had no one to blame but himself.

He sighed softly, closing his eyes. He'd waited too long. Far too long.

Why did he keep holding those feelings back? He and Mads were both divorced now. There was nothing to keep them from being together. Nothing at all.

Nothing but his own fears of not having his feelings returned, he told himself. Nothing but his fears of rejection, his worries that Mads couldn't feel anything for him but friendship. That would break his heart; it was something that he knew he couldn't face.

So he kept his feelings to himself -- though he didn't see how Mads could possibly be unaware of them. To him, those feelings were more than obvious.

He was a fool for waiting. He should simply admit how he felt.

But if he did, and he was rejected, then he knew that he would never be the same again. It was easier to pretend that they were just friends, that his emotions went no deeper than that. It was easier to keep a final wall between them, to protect himself from any possible hurt.

So he hadn't said the words. He couldn't. Hugh knew that he couldn't bear to see the look of regret in Mads' eyes, to see him pull away, even if it was ever so slightly.

So he kept his feelings to himself, even though he longed to fall to his knees in front of the other man and blurt them out. It was too much of a risk to expose his emotions like that.

He would keep his silence, no matter how painful it was to do so.

"Hugh." A hand fell on his shoulder, and Hugh whirled around, opening his mouth, prepared to call out for help if this was someone who didn't belong in the darkened studio.

Mads tilted his head to the side, a slight frown marring his brow. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I only wondered what you are doing here so late."

Hugh took a deep breath, feeling relieved. It wasn't someone who was hanging around the studio after filmng was over, maybe hoping to waylay one of the actors. It was the man he had been thinking about, the man who he had wanted to see again more than he could put into words.

"I didn't expect anyone else to be here," he said softly, his voice trembling just a bit. "I was just .... thinking about how much I'm going to miss all of this."

Mads nodded, his own soft sigh echoing Hugh's. "I will, as well. We made some wonderful art here. And we also made some memories that I will carry with me forever."

His gaze rested on Hugh, his dark eyes warm with emotion.

"I love you." Hugh couldn't stop the words from slipping out; they were completely unexpected. He hadn't thought that he would say them now, if ever. But they wouldn't stay back.

He caught his breath, his blue eyes widening. He'd said the words now, directly to Mads' face; he couldn't take them back. They couldn't be unsaid. They were out in the open now.

What would Mads' reaction be? Hugh held his breath, gazing into the other man's eyes, unsure of just what he saw there. He didn't know what Mads would think of his sudden confession; he wasn't sure what to think of it himself. He hadn't meant to just blurt it out like that.

Hugh was shocked when Mads pulled him into his arms, holding him in an embrace that was tighter and more passionate than any Hugh had ever experienced.

And then Mads' lips were on his, kissing him softly, gently, fully. Those lips that he had so often wanted to kiss were taking his own, sweeping him away.

Their first kiss. The first indication that his feelings were indeed returned.

Hugh reached up to twine his fingers through Mads' silky hair, feeling the other man's own hands in his dark curls. This was bliss, this was heaven. He never wanted the kiss to end.

But it inevitably did; Mads finally raised his head, gazing into Hugh's eyes. Hugh knew that he probably looked just as shocked as he felt, but he couldn't help that.

"I heard what you couldn't say," Mads whispered, his voice so soft that Hugh almost had to strain to hear it, even in the darkened quiet of the abandoned studio. "I knew how you felt, Hugh. I knew it ten years ago. I have always known. And though I couldn't say it, either, I have always felt the same."

"Y-you have?" Hugh stammered, unable to believe what he was hearing. Mads cared for him. Mads felt the same way he did. All this time, Mads had wanted him.

A feeling of peaceful contentment settled over him. This wasn't over. The show might be done, but he and Mads were only beginning. This was the first day of the rest of their lives.

Together. As they should have been for so long.

They had wasted so much time circling around each other, neither of them able to say how they felt. But now, the ice had been broken, and that barrier would never exist between them again.

"Yes, I have," Mads said softly, his voice low and husky. "I have always loved you, Hugh, from the first time we met. But at the time, I could not go where my heart led me. But I've never forgotten you, and I have always wanted to be with you. Now that we are both free, we can make a new beginning."

Hugh could only nod, feeling a smile spread over his face. Mads was saying all that he still couldn't put into words. They had a future together. The rest of their lives to love each other.

One door had closed, but another had unexpectedly opened.

"Then let's begin right now," he murmured, leaning in for another kiss, this one just as long and passionate as the last. A kiss that promised so much for both of them.

When they finally broke away from each other, both men were gasping a little. Hugh knew that they wouldn't wait to be together; they'd already waited too long. He would go to Mads' house in Toronto, and they would start the life together tonight, with their first consummation.

His life with Mads started at this moment, the life that he had wanted for so long and had never thought that he could have. The life that was now within his grasp.

He moved out of the circle of the other man's arms, reaching for his hand.

This was the beginning of the rest of his life. A life that would now be happy and fulfilled, with the person he'd always loved by his side, and in his heart.

Together, the two men walked out of the darkened studio hand in hand, leaving the past behind them and heading into the future with smiles on their faces and their hearts full of each other.


End file.
